I love to BBQ.

I fire up the grill every chance I get, even in the dead of winter. It's a brisk 49 degrees today, but I'll be outside grilling, beer in hand. Over the years I've learned some things, and I'm going to share them with you, no extra charge. Let me tell you about the Zen of Grilling

Part of the Zen of Grilling is taking the time to relax. If you're in a hurry then you should have stopped at McDonalds.

Open a beer and take a swig. This will help prepare your frame of mind. A margarita on the rocks is also acceptable.

Frozen drinks of any kind are forbidden, as real men don't drink them anyway.

Tip Friends of Bill W. can substitute root beer if they want to, but not diet root beer.

Sorry Nancy-boy, but if you're cooking on a gas grill then all you did was move the stove outside. What in the hell is the point of that?

Sure, gas will heat up faster than charcoal, but it doesn't taste the same. And are you really trying for speed?

Half of the Zen of Grilling is waiting for the coals to heat up. That's the time to consume the first of several beers. Real men use charcoal.

Period.

I start by pouring the charcoal into the grill, and spreading the briquettes out evenly. If there are leftover coals, I push them to the middle, and spread the fresh briquettes around the edges.

Tip If you immediately close all of the vents and shut the lid on the grill tightly each time you're done cooking, you may not even need to put any more charcoal in the next time you want to grill.

Many people make the error of piling up the charcoal, or using one of those chimney starters. This will cause you to use more of your charcoal than you have to, and will actually take longer before you can start to cook. In fact, I'm often done cooking before all of the briquettes are completely grey.

Don't be chintzy with the lighter fluid. Soak the briquettes good. Make sure that each cube gets lighter fluid, then wait 2 minutes. Give another quick soak of fluid, and then throw a match on the sucker.

I do this first part with the bottom vents closed, opening them later after the charcoal is fully engulfed.

Tip Stay with by the grill until the flames go out completely. Coming back and finding your deck or garage in flames will delay dinner.

I use the time while I'm waiting for the coals to heat up to quietly contemplate things.

And drink beer.

Usually it takes two beers before the coals are hot enough to start cooking. Again, part of the Zen of Grilling.

Hopefully you didn't use the grill brush before you put the grill away last time. Now you just need to wait until the char on the grill starts to smoke, then you can run the grill brush across a few times until the grill is smooth, but not dry.

If you do this properly, then you will have no trouble with any food sticking to the grill.  There should be a thin layer of grease from the last time you grilled that will keep your meat from sticking.

Place the meat around the grill, and put the lid on. Make sure the top vents are open. Now it's time for another beer.

I time my cooking by the number of beers it takes. Most steaks are done within 2 beers. Chicken and pork usually take 3 or 4 beers. Roasts can take up to 5 beers.

Marinate the meat whenever possible, or season at least 30 minutes before cooking. Please note that there is really no such thing as a 30 minute marinade, no matter what the label says. Beef and pork needs to marinate at least 24 hours, chicken for 48.

• Hot dogs & Burgers cook too quickly to leave alone for any length of time
  
• Chunks of hickory or mesquite will add good flavor to meats Soak smoking chips in Jack Daniels for added flavor.
  
• Delicate fish like sole or trout can be wrapped in foild and baked on the grill for variety

~Easy

PS-- Here's my new fence!!

"Joke of the Day"

Several men are sitting around in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following conversation ensues:

"Hello?"

"Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

"Yes." "Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where you are. I just saw a beautiful mink coat. It's absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"

"What's the price?"

"Only $1,500.00."

"Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much..."

"Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2005 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman, and he gave me a really good price...and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..."

"What price did he quote you?"

"Only $89,000..."

"OK, but for that price I want it with all the options." "Great! But before we hang up, something else...

 "What?"

"It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account, and... I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property..."

"How much are they asking?" "Only $850,000 - a magnificent price...and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover it."

"Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $820,000. OK?"

"OK, sweetie...Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!"

"Bye...I do too..."

The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap, and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present: "Does anyone know who's phone this is?"

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